So our little county fair started yesterday. Today I took the girls. They had SO much fun! Six hours of rides, food, and fun.

My little one LOVED all the animals:

We had a marvelous fun day and now I am exhausted and off to crawl in between my nice cool sheets and get a good nights sleep...

It's been a busy last few weeks! We had our ultrasound done, baby looked perfect. Our due date was changed to January 3, 2009.

I have been sort of living in a fog. This pregnancy has me TIRED all the time. I really want/need some energy to get things done. It seems all I want to do is nap.

Otherwise, life is pretty good.

We have company coming today, so I have to pull all reserve energy out and get some things done around the house to make it company ready.

So thats my news of the day... I am off to get things done! Hope everyone has a great day!

I am tired... I have spent the last week or so just tired. Doesn't seem to be enough naps available. I know it has to do with the pregnancy. But boy howdy it is getting old...

So I went to my first OB appointment. So far so good, everything is looking good.  So I was thinking my dates might be a little off... yup I was right. Instead of 8 weeks, I am 11 weeks 4 days.

New due date is January 3, 2009. We got to hear the heartbeat. Absolutly amazing! I don't care how many times you hear it. There is something so amazing at hearing that swish swish swish heartbeat of a little person growing inside you.

Next Tuesday is the UltraSound and we go from there... it'll be 12 weeks so MAYBE we can get to see the gender. I am still hoping for blue... Another little boy would be nice. But a girl will be ok too.

So dear readers thats about all for me right now. I'll write again soon!

It is a BEAUTIFUL day today! I woke up to the sound of brids singing outside, the sun was shining, and boy is it ever a MARVELOUS day!

Today is my first OB appointment~ go and find out that everything is ok with Baby and get all the tests they want to do, done. I am excited... gett his appointment out of the way and I should be good to go with only 1 appointment a month for the next few moths.

My strongest desire is to have a nice uneventful pregnancy. No life threatening things to have to worry about, no stress, just a nice calm pregnancy...

So that is later today...

In the mean time I am just gonna hang around, enjoy the kids, who are out for summer vacation, and have fun! Thinking since I have that Dr's appointment today that I might go ahead and help the girls set up the pool and get them to playing in it for a little while. Today is definately not a river day, even though with the weather and my mood that is my first choice

Well dear readers I am off to get the day going! Ya'll have a WONDERFUL and HAPPY day!

Hullo Dear Readers!

It is a beautiful afternoon in my world! Had a little stress earlier in the afternoon but that has settled down and now things are nice and mellow.

Got dinner on~ having shredded pork roast smoothered in bbq sauce and served over a bun and a little salad to go along with it. Good stuff...

I have been so tired and off course since finding out about baby. Today I was thinking... it is time to get it back together and get back on course. My house looks like a small hurricane has gone through it. Nothing gross just that unattended to look. I've not been focusing much on my positive thinking activities, doing any reading, or doing much of anything but eating and sleeping.

So I am setting a goal for myself to be AWAKE and OUT OF BED by 5 in the morning (that means in bed tonight by 10) do my positive thinking excercise and then get myself moving on tidying things up around this place.

I have the next 3 days to pull it together and then the kids are out of school for the summer... The other thing I want to do is set a pretty decent schedule for summer for the girls too. So we aren't getting around to eating diner at 9pm and they are still up at 11pm... I'll have to give this some thought and talk to DD to see what her opinion is too...

Well dear readers, I hear dinner teling me it needs attention so I am off to take care of it!

Most wonderful Thursday evening dear Readers!

This will be brief tonight, have my little ones Kindergarten Graduation to go to in the morning so I want to get some good sleep so I look and feel great at the graduation.

I fell out of the habit of writing a gratitude list each night. So I want to get that going again. I figure commiting myself to doing that here is a good way to be accountable and get me back in the habit every evening.

So here it is~ my 10 things I am grateful for today:

1. Having a few dollars more than I had expected to have this month.

2. Being able to get little things for my kids that they want

3. Being able to put more than 5 gallons of gas in my car today

4. Having my internet back!

5. Wonderful, non judgemental people who are happy for me having another baby.

6. Being able to be a SAHM for the last 5 years and being able to be there for every mile stone my little one has had since birth.

7. Having a washer and dryer at home (now if I can just get Johnny to put me up a clothes line )

8. Flower seeds sprouting in my little garden I planted

9. Spending time with my kids

10. Having Johnny in my life

Good night dear readers!

I get internet back tomorrow! Lets have a party!!!! I am so looking forward to being able to start my day off with a blog post that helps me keep on track during the day! Not to mention having time on the computer to keep researching happy thought ideas to try. I really miss doig that every morning.

So things are pretty boring around here otherwise. Not much happening. Quiet, just the way I like it. However that is going to be changing soon with the kids getting out of school next week.

I am looking forward to it actually. Hoping that we will have lots of fun over the summer. Not really going to be going anywhere just hanging around local spots. But the river will be a priority as will be going to the park, playing in the yard and having bbq's and stuff like that.

I won't be horribly fat and uncomfortable for the summer. The worse part of the pregnancy will come in the winter YAY! I'll g to the doctors on the 17th to find out when Ill have my first ultrasound and from there we will find out for sure when I am due. I have a sneaky suspecion that I may be about 4 wees further along than I thought.

My last period lasted all of one day and was spotty. I chalked it up menopausal stuff... now, since I have gained so much weight and already have that little pooch I am wondering if perhaps that wasn't really my last period? Anyway we will find out something before too long. It's sort of important that we know how far along I am since at 40 (41 when baby arrives) I am classified as AMA (advanced maternal age) I'll need to get a CVS and ultrasound at 12 weeks.

Anyway we wait and see... I am getting excited about the baby now. Thinking all about all the stuff I want to get. Bassinet, crib, and all that fun stuff. been looking at baby stuff at the store and online. Can't wait to start buying a few thing here and there.

I am going to start buying a bag of disposable diapers each payday to help offset that expence of bringing baby home. This is going ot be fun

Well I am off to tuck myself in! Hope ya'll have a great night and I'll be seeing you more here very soon!

Good Evening Readers!

I get internet back on Thursday! YAY!! I am a happy camper! Life will go back to some normalacy, like me getting to start my day with posting in my blog and getting the day started with my happy thoughts

I hadn't realized how dependent I had become on the internet... I was lost at first without it and found ways to entertain myself... but it sure will be nice to have it back

So that is about it in my world today... I'll write more later.

It is another beautiful day! The birds are singing outside my window, the air is crisp and clean this morning and life is AMAZING!

So I titled this running wild thoughts... Thats because I can't seem to keep my thoughts focused on any one subject for more than a couple of minutes and then off to another thought.

I need to clean house, get something for the small child to wear to church, make a list of baby things I want, get the dog pen fixed from where the dogs keep escaping (sharing a bed with 4 dogs and a small child is interesting!) Figure out what I am doing with some extra money I have coming (probably going in the gas tank with gas prices like they are) and so goes my thoughts of need to do's...

I am thinking it is pregnancy hormones but I have been so frustrated with Johnny the last couple of days. I feel like he has been ignoring 'us'. I am pretty sure it is pregnancy hormones because we aren't spending any less time together and he is talking to me. I just don't feel like it is enough.

Otherwise things are going pretty good in my life. Some normal daily ups and downs but over all good...

ANd so I leave you all with a challenge... come up with one happy thought today that is outside what you normally think of. Stretch your thinking...

For me my outside normal thinking happy thought is the idea of sitting down to a plate that is heaped with susage and eggs and hashbrowns and toast and orange juice sitting there and not have to be the one that either cooks it or is paying for it

Magical Thursday evening to you Dear Readers! So I had my first prenatal appointment today. So far so good everything looks good. Go back in the morning to get some tests done and out of the way and then hopefully we are on a regular prenatal schedule and wait for our little bundle of happiness to join us.

Life is all wrapped up in the baby right now. Hoping after this week I can get back on task and doing what I need to do to take care of me emotionally. But the baby stuff is kind of exciting and I am sort of enjoying it.

And so thats about all I have right now. Just getting things together to have a good pregnancy. Hope everyne has a wonderful day tomorrow and I'll be back tomorrow night!

Most Delightful Tuesday Evening Readers!

So I thought I would share my postive test with you

There it is, two lines, positive test. Life altering event happening.

One would think that already having 5 babies that one more isn't that big of a deal... but there are several things different with this one than in the past and that makes a heaping load of difference in the way it will change my life.

First of all I will have that red stamp on my medical record that says AMA (advanced maternal age). I'll be 41 when this bundle of happiness joins us. That'll make me somewhere around 60 when he or she is ready to ship off to college. Sometimes I get tired just thinking about it. But mostly I am truly and honestly just as happy as can be.

We have told 3 of the 6 kids we need to tell. We also told my Mom and my Uncle. The baby was telling anyone and everyone who would listen to her. "My mommy has a baby in her tummy" she would announce to everyone. She is just too cute and so excited. My 12 year old is just about as excited. She had to tell all her friends and they are planning a babysitting schedule so they can watch the baby when (s)he gets here for me to go shopping and such. Just too cute.

So life has been mostly consumed with baby thoughts the last couple of days. Got my initial OB appointments made today along with an appointment to see my P-Doc so I can get my med sitch taken care of. Tomorrow I'll make my WIC appointment and my 0-5 intake appointment. Get that ball rolling to get all that stuff taken care of.

It's actually easy to be happy right now. Although I have some concerns about this pregnancy I am pretty excited about it too. Another little bear in the family. Another little person to love and snuggle and all that...

So I am off this evening to just kick back and enjoy my pregnancy symptoms and be happy in the moment...

Fantastic Sunday morning readers! It is a BEAUTIFUL day! It is a sort of rainy spring day but just feels like it is going to be an amazing day!

So Johnny and I are going to be parents again. Now that the shock is wearing off I am getting excited. Johnny picked out names last night. I like what he has picked and so those are the names we will be going with.

As soon as the doctors office opens on Tuesday I'll be making my appointment and going in for my first prenatal visit. Lots of stuff to do to get ready for this little bundle of joy... think blue think blue think blue.... but pink is ok too

I'm still in a bit of shock. I'll write more later...

Most Fantastic Friday Evening Readers! It has been another wonderful day in the life of Troubledmom. Nothing grand or fantastic happened... just a nice hohum sort of stay at home day. We did have a bit of a cloud burst that was very refreshing. However my 16 year old got caught out in it and called me for a ride. Poor baby lookelike a drowned rat when I picked him up. Gave him a ride back to his dads and got to chat with him a little a bit. He is such a great kid. I hope he knows how proud I am of him.

So I have been a bit lax lately in doing in real active work with my happy thoughts stuff. But it dawned on me today... even without daily intentional work on it, I am doing pretty good at keeping mostly happy thoughts. I know if I get back with the program and really intentionally work on things it won't be long before it is totally part of my nature and won't take as much effort. One thing I did notice though I tend to get a bit more aggitated at 'big' things without the happy thought activities everyday. The small stuff I can deal with and immediately look for the bright ide... the bigger things I don't look at happy thoughts until I am well past aggitated and remember that I am suppose to do that.

Things with Johnny and I seem to be going along ok. I have had some concerns that I am hoping are just from my hyper sensativitiy and not any real cause for concern. It is still a wait and see thing. But 3 months of being together without any serious problems has me feeling more secure in this relationship than I ever have before. The only thing that has been an issue, well two things I guess, are first he has been really absorbed in doing genealogy stuff and I tend to feel really neglected because of it. The other thing is he has had some convo's with his Ex and didn't tell me about them at the time. I heard about them later because something would come up and he would say something that told me he had talked to her. Probably just me being over cautious in this but still worries me a bit.

And the last thing going on in my life right now... I haven't had my period yet . It is a week late. I am in a bit of a quandry over the whole sitch. Part of me would LOVE another child, especially one with Johnny. But then realistically, I have 5 children, my oldest is 22, I am over 40, and the baby would be 6 when this one came along if I am pregnant. Actually my oldest would 23 when this one arrived...

So I find myself hoping I am on one hand and praying I'm not on th eother and having talks with God letting him know it His ultimate decision wether I am going to be a mother again or not and trusting Him.

So spring soccer season has drawn to a close. Life resumes some normalacy for the next few weeks until school is out. We have been busy with soccer, warm weather that has let us picnic outdoors and go swimming (well until this cold snap we got the other day) and we seem to have been on the run every day for the last 2 months.

It was cute tonight, we went to a BBQ and someone asked what I did and I said I was a stay at home mom... my five year old says "No you aren't Mommy, you take me and Sissy to school, you pick us up, you take us to soccer, you take us to the river, you take us shopping." The ladies at the BBQ all laughed and I had to concede I am rarely a stay at home mom I am a running kids around mom

It was so cool to watch the kids get their awards tonight and their trophies. They had a great coaching team. I will miss soccer next year. The baby does not want to play soccer and my daugher doesn't want to be on a traveling team and because of her age group and our rural location she would have to be.

So if the baby has her way I am going to be a dance recital mom. She wants to do dance. My 12 year old thought that sounded fun too so we'll see about the cost and all and do what we can do.

I have to go find a volleyball net that is portable that we can take to the river with us. My daughter had tried out for her school volleyball team but didn't make it because she had no idea what she was doing. I played volleyball way back when, when I was in hi school, so between what I can remember and info from the internet I am going to work with her over the summer in learning how toplay so she can try out again next year and maybe make it.

So all this stuff for kids to do along with school and a conversation I had earlier today with another mom... we expect so much of ourselves and our kids these days. My baby is in kindergarten... gone are the days of colouring pictures and taking naps. Our kindies are leaving kindergarten reading and writting and doing basic math. Things that kids use to not do until first grade. Add to it all the activities like soccer and dance... we are going to have burned out kids by the time they reach high school.

I know that there is a whole group of people who believe that this is what we have to do if we want our kids to be successful in life... but what about just letting them be kids? It's to the point where even when I have the kids out doing 'fun; stuff I am thinking how can I make this a learning experience? We went to the river last week. (Look for pics on my webpages) and I had the girls guessing how deep the water was (inches and feet) and looking at plants and trying to identify them...Ugg somedays I hate that I can't just let go and just let them have fun without making them think about what they are learning in their play time.

So enough of that ramble. It is getting late and I have things I want to get done so I am off to do what I can do before I go to bed... 

I'still on limited internet availablity but had a computer most of the day today. I spent most of the day doing genealogy Right now I am in the process of setting up a GedCom file with all the info I gathed today. But I needed a break after inputting approximately 85 individuals from 1608 to 1712.

I am facinated by the family history. I have a signer of the declaration of independence in my direct family line, an aviator who worked along with the Wright Brothers and was the first avialtor to take a president up in the air, a 'discoverer' of some famous apples (Baldwin Apples) and a whole bunch of regular folks who were brave and went into a lot of dangerous situations not because they wanted to be great but because they believed in what they were doing. From pioneers settling in new areas, revolutionary war fighters, cilvil war fighters (had some family on both sides of that war), to WWI and WWII vets. And there were some amazing women with stories to tell too.

I am excited about getting this info onto my family web site. Something to share with folks out there. And I am going to scan pics of the old timers thatI have and post those too.

Family history is truly an amazing thing. You learn so much about where you came from and the type of people who helped shape who you are today. One thing I learned today in my research...

No matter who they were, what their economic status, how they got to the US, each generation had someone special who had a spirit that was rich in charting uncharted territories.

I am off to work on my GedCom file some more. Hope this finds all my readers well and I'll catch up with everything going on my life soon.

So I wake up at 6am this morning and had a wild hair to do some serious housework AT SIX AM! So I got in to it and tackled the amin areas of the hosue and got them looking nice and neat. Didnt take long and made me have no guilt in spending the rest of the day doing fun stuff.

So Mom and I went out for a bit and ran some errands, then at noon I went to my counseling session. That went well. I am amazed sometimes at the progress, the real tangible progress, that I have made over the last year of really putting out effort to become the best me I can be. It's pretty cool to look at thoughts and actions and see how much more mature my behavior is than it was just a year ago. Going to go ahead and give myself a pat on the back because I do deserve it and one of hte things I am working on is validating my own successes instead of critisizing myself for not being perfect...

So after my appointment I sat for a bit with Johnny. He is on a geneology kick at the moment. It is cool to see him get excited about finding stuff abut his family. He has also got me interested in doing some more with my family geneology. My grandmother was really into geneology so I have a substantial amount of info to start with. It is just a matter of sitting down and doing it.

So after spending time with Johnny I was off to get the girls from school. Go to the bank, go to the store, get home fix some food, go over some homework and then it was time for soccer...

My Ex was at the soccer game. It was a bit frustrating dealing with him. DD's coach judged the kids senior projects over at the high school. She was telling us about it... (for info about senior projects check out http://www.seniorproject.net/certif.php  So anyway my Ex asks the coach what exactly is a senior project... I got SO frusrated with the man at that moment...

So I told him. He completely ignored me and said something to the coach about our son having done his project in his Junior year... No that is the Junior Project.. totally different... so I tell him that. He looks at me and says "So what makes you an expert?" ARGGGG I wanted to SLAP HIM! OK I know violence gets you know where except maybe a few nights in the county jail... but he is such an idiot sometimes... like I told him, I have two older children who have already been through it so I know what it is all about. AND HELLO even if I didn't, knowing that my son was going to have to do it I would have researched it...

Oh well... can't change stupid unless stupid wants to change... I know this is one of those things that I am just going to have to let go and let God because I can't change the man. I remind myself when he has moments like these... this is a friendly reminder from your memory data base THIS IS THE REASON YOU DIVORCED HIM! Speaking of divorce... friday will be 12 years since I filed for my divorce from him. Only another 63 months and and 23 days of having to deal with him on a regular basis... then I'll just have to deal with him on special occasions like college graduations, weddings, grandbabes births and the like... YAY the END is in SIGHT!!!

So after soccer it was back home where I got the baby ready for bed, read a book to her, got Johnny up and offto work and then at 10pm finally some quiet down time...

So now it is almost midnight... I am tired so I think I will wish you all a wonderful night and go settle myself into a pair of comfy jammies, grab a cup of tea, and snuggle down in between my flannel sheets and drift off to dream land.

Good Night Dear Readers!

Good Evening Readers! It has been amost amazing and fantastic family day today. I had intended to spend most of the day doing spring cleaning. However my plans were interrupted by a local event at the fair grounds. It was the aanual Children's Fair. An event hosted by our local Office of Education that is geared towards children under 12.

So, I had intended to go, but thought I would just be taking the 5 year old and so figured it would be an hour maybe two hours and we would be done. No sooner had I got up this morning than my phone rand. It was my 12 year old wanting to go to the childrens fair with me. So I go get her and my 16 year old decided he wanted to go too. YAY!!!!

It was AWESOME! The kids and I had a blast at the different activities they had available. There were tons of fun things for the kids, even the 16 year old got in on some of the action. The local speedway had a game the kids coud play to win free tickets to tonights race. Of course my kds won so we got to go to the races tonight.

It was really a great day. I'm a little sunburned... remembered to put sunscreen on the kids forgot about myself LOL. Oh well... hopefully the burn will turn to a tan and the sensitive skin will toughen up.

Watch for pictures of todays fun on my website. I hope to have them up by Monday!

Until then, may all of you have an amazing weekend and remember to spend some special time with your loved ones too.

Fantastic Friday wonderful readers! It is a beautiful spring morning here in my mountains. It is time for a most magnificent spring cleaning cleaning marathon here at my house. It is time to sweep away the dark cobwebs of winter, scrub the chill out of the dark recess of corners and cupboards, and clean the windows to let in the sparkling sunshine!

Today my focus is going to be catching up laundry (there seems to be an ever present pile of what I call MtWashmore in my laundry room~ goal today is to take MtWahmore down to nothing... move that mountain out of my house) and thenalso cleaning the kitchen, cleaning out the cupboards, putting down nice fresh, clean, smell good shelf paper and get the cabinets organized once more.

I also have to go do a little shopping~ something yummy for dinner like the fixings for a killer chicken salad I think... along with some pinesol to make things smell CLEAN.

This weekends plan is kitchen today, dingroom, laundry room and bathroom tomorrow, and then bedrooms on Sunday... Scrub-a-dub-dub clean it all up. I really need to wash wall. I must have a gazzalion little hand prints on every section of exposed wall below 3ft not that that is abad thing... but it is time to clean them up.

I am going to shampoo carpets and get them smelling nice and fresh again. Wier is horrible with the way odors linger in the house because you can't throw open windows to let the fresh air in. But spring... spring means I can make it smell just yummy yummy yummy in here.

So if yo don't see long posts this weekend you'll understand it is because I am busy orgainizing and cleaning up my life...

Sending everyone wonderful fantastic friday thoughts! Hope you have a marvelous weekend!

From the children's book, The Blind Men and the Elephant, Lillian Quigley retells the ancient fable of six blind men who visit the palace of the Rajah and encounter an elephant for the first time.  As each touches the animal with his hands, he announces his discoveries.

The first blind man put out his hand and touched the side of the elephant.  "How smooth!  An elephant is like a wall."  The second blind man put out his hand and touched the trunk of the elephant.  "How round!  An elephant is like a snake."  The third blind man put out his hand and touched the tusk of the elephant.  "How sharp!  An elephant is like a spear."  The fourth blind man put out his hand and touched the leg of the elephant.  "How tall!  An elephant is like a tree."  The fifth blind man reached out his hand and touched the ear of the elephant.  "How wide!  An elephant is like a fan."  The sixth blind man put out his hand and touched the tail of the elephant.  "How thin!  An elephant is like a rope."

      An argument ensued, each blind man thinking his own perception of the elephant was the correct one.  The Rajah, awakened by the commotion, called out from the balcony.  "The elephant is a big animal," he said.  "Each man touched only one part.  You must put all the parts together to find out what an elephant is like."

      Enlightened by the Rajah's wisdom, the blind men reached agreement.  "Each one of us knows only a part.  To find out the whole truth we must put all the parts together."

So I had an encounter with thoughts about perception this last week. During a conversation with this lady she tells me that she had recently been admonished that just because she perceived something to be a certain way didn't give her permission to attack someone based on her perception.

Now one must first be aware that this lady is very, to the extreme, a black and white thinker. People and place and things and events are either all good or all bad, there are no gray areas in her thinking. So the comment made to her wasn't meant to be an attack on her, rather it was intended as a way to have her think in a way that would fit more within societies norms in interactions with others.

So the conversation with this lady got me to thinking about the way I perceive things... although I am not a black and white thinker, I do have a tendency to act or react to certain people, events, and/or words according to how I perceive them to be based on my life experiences.

My perception in the situation of sharing innermost thoughts, hopes and feelings is skewered. I am immediately defensive when I begin to share~ often I will downplay the importance of what I am trying to talk about so that the person I am talking to doesn't know that this is really important to me so it removes power from thm to use it as a weapon to demean and degrade me... I will shut down and not share if it is something that I can talk myself out believing is important. I will let something build inside me until it just errupts if it is a negative emotion, rather than try and talk abut it.

My perception is so warped in this type of situation that it is difficult for me to seperate truth from the false evidence appearing real...

Then I have this other side of me... my PollyAnna side... from that position my perception of things becomes overly optimistic. Not that I would consider this a bad way of perceiving life... but many people find it annoying and the cynacisim you get when you have a pollyanna attitude is often extremely confrontational. Of course at this point, when I was thinking about this part of perception... I wondered if people really were that confrontational... or had something been embedded so deep in me that I expect confrontation when I am being pollyanna like and so I skewer what someone says or does to fit my expectation of response????

How many times in interactions with others, are we actually seeing what is actually going on orhave we allowed what we believe the reaction will be cloud our perception so that no matter what the other person says or does we will twist it to match our preconceived notion of the reaction?????

Thoughts to ponder and experiences to notice to see if perhaps it isnt time to change how I am 'seeing' the elephant in front of me....

It is another beautiful spring day here in my mountains. There is a soft breeze blowing and the air is crisp and refreshing. Life is good. After the last month of things being so financially tight that I wondered how we might actually make it through, things are getting better. Not perfect, but better. Catching up on things htat are needing to be caught up on. Still dont have internet. Have to go to local hotspots to check on things. Although now that we have gas in the cars it is a little easier so I'll be around a bit more.

The last week has been a lesson on communication for Johnny and I. It is interesting how we bring our baggage from the past with us into new relationships. I have a built in fear of degrading and devaluation if I share feelings or hopes with a partner. So often I withhold things to avoid the fear. I always thought it made life easier that way. With Johnny I am learning that as Ishare things with him, and he validates what I am feeling or wanting, even when he doesn't agree~ he doesn't tell me I shouldn't feel/think that way, he acknowledges it is my thoughts and feelings and we talk~ anyway as I share with him and then on occassion hold back... I am learning in this relationship it isnt easier to withhold, it is esier to share. By sharing there are no secrets and with no secrets we have a more honest and real relationship. Pretty cool.

He and I have been back together 2 months plus a week or so. So far so good, things are going along rather well. I am feeling more comfortable that things might work out this time and on the occassions that I have fear pop up I have been able to look at the situation and actually see if it is based on reality or my perception...

Speaking of perception... that is for another post hopefully that I can make later today. But Ihad a whole interesting conversation with a lady who has borderline personality disorder. It really made me more aware of what people are talking about when they say something like "That is how you perceived it"~ I use to think it was an invalidation of what I was seeing/feeling. After the experience with the lady with the BPD I have a whole new understanding... we all perceive things through the filter of our own unique experiences... sort of like the story of the 3 blind men who each touched part of an elephant and then described it... each ones description was totlly different than the other one because of where they were at touching the elephant...

So I have a whole bunch of notes I wrote about this matter that I will try to share alittle later with all of you...

For now dear readers, it is time for a cup of coffee and getting things done around my house so it remains my sanctuary... 

I am borrowing internet from a local hotspot and using my sweeties laptop. It is a bit wierd and not as familare as sitting at home in my comfort zone. Things are going along fairly well. A few stressful moments over the last couple of weeks but over all good.

Spring soccer has begun and that makes life just a bit more hectic than usual. But watching my daughter run and play and have fun is well worth the stress of it all. There will be pics onmy webpage at some point in the near future of her soccer playing.

Johnny is sitting here watching me type, so I'll wait until later to upde on that stuff. Although things seem to be going rather smoothly between the two of us. Almost spooky at times how smooth things are going over all (with the exception of financial issues) and even the financial stuff we have been able to talk about and (pardon me while I ammuse Johnny who is sitting here next to me saying "Are you done yet?" over and over.....)

OK so I guess I better wrap this up. Hope Ill be back someme next week~ that government rebate check will be put to good use, although probably NOT what was thought of it being used as when it was concieved...

Be well friends, think good thoughts, and enjoy the delightul spring weather that has come for most of us...

Good Evening Readers, I am afraid this may be the last entry in this journal for a short time. I am about to lose my internet. Financial choices had to be made and as dependent as I am on my internet connection, I had to decide between it and things like food... I hope to be down only for about 2 weeks. Maybe not even that long. It is a wait and see thing. I will miss blogging and miss the friends here. I hope all of you do well and remember to THINK POSITIVE HAPPY THOUGHTS! Catch up with you and catch you all up with me as soon as I can get back online!